Most vital of all is to face reality in each moment of life. I love Arun. I will always love him. Sometimes my heart fills up with so much love for him.
That says more about me than about him -- I'm capable of such deep love. May be, just may be he doesn't have the capacity to make space for me in his life. Or may be he is trying to maintain boundaries. As someone who loves him I can respect that.
He is married. He will never leave his wife. I just kind of have to live with that.
Then there is this feeling of emptiness. There is a Buddhist saying: Emptiness is the highest virtue. I'm not used to this feeling so I find it distressing.
Then there is the aspect of money. I'm not making at the moment as much as I'd like. That doesn't mean things wont change in the future. I can keep praying, keep making causes.
Then there is Ma. I probably love her the most in the whole wide world but she is a tad too demanding.
I wish there was some place for all this love in my heart to land.
Tonight I told DeJh not to try so hard to please me because it is annoying. I don't know how he took it.
Tomorrow is the zadankai! I'll just skim through the study and sleep.
In conclusion, most vital of all is to be realistic. Nothing except love is more important than that.
I am feeling:
Happy
Loving
Cold from the ac
Concerned about my loved one's health and well-being.
Sweet
I love Arun. I LOVE MA THE MOST.
Love,
Me.
1.34 am
I AM GRATEFUL FOR GOD'S INFINITE LOVE, GRACE AND BLESSINGS ON MY LIFE.
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