I can't help but feel that it was Arun's ichinen to have me out of his life-- he wanted this, he determined it.
I have no hopes from him and that is more definitive than anything else. I don't expect any movement from him, any feeling, any desire.
The only thing I desire from him is that some day he will realise how much I loved him. I don't wish him remorse, I don't wish him any pain or guilt... I wish him untold joys and happinesses.
I just hope I get through this day in one piece and after accomplishing a reasonable amount of work and study.
I'm all alone. There is no one in my life I can lean on. I'm happy. I'm single. And i'm a good person. I know that much.
I'm not even angry with Arun for being so rude with me. It was the outcome of his feelings. It was a culmination. It's all good. We all get what we need.
This DeJh messages at any odd time. I don't want to talk to him today. I think I'll ignore his messages today.
I truly love/loved Arun. But in life you don't always get what you want. I have no desire from him. May he be truly happy. Sweet that he is. And may he get all that he wants.
Calling him up, messaging him, meeting him is out of the question.
I really don't want DeJh's attention.
I am feeling:
Happy
Sad that I won't talk to Arun ever again
A sense of loss
All alone
Least bothered about my looks and my life
Aware that I have work to accomplish
In the end I only have me, myself and Doel and nobody else.
I am grateful for God's infinite Love, Grace and Blessings on my life.
Love,
Me.
12.33 pm
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