When I was in toi, I had once played a prank on Kuny and he was very hurt. But he forgave me, saying Life is too short to bear grudges. Those words have stayed with me ever since.
I finally unblocked Arun and sent him two messages. I won't message him again and calling him up is out of the question.
Life is too short to be angry forever. Life is too short to bear grudges. Since (for me at least) the basis of my friendship with him is a shared history of love I'll never stop loving him. I have never really prayed to Have Him or Marry Him since he is married already to someone.
I think it's best to tone things down. No matter how lonely I feel, Arun should not be contacted.
I have three problematic students-- Dhyaan, Tarini and Rishaan. They say that they dont love themselves, they say they would rather fail in life, they keep laughing and are disruptive.
As I was trying to teach them yesterday what struck me was the pain each of them was carrying. I imagine problematic homes and early childhood pain behind their angst. They even said things like they go for counselling and therapy.
I think I've also faced such pain. And I guess Arun also has his share of pain. I really don't want to contact him anymore after his insulting tone on the phone today.
I'll continue to pray for him but that kosen rufu friendship that I wanted to have with him, I'll stop praying for that. I'll just pray for him to be happy, for his Oscar and for his life. Nothing else. I don't want to have anything to do with him.
How love transforms! Once upon a time I felt that I can't live without him. And here we are living pleasantly enough without each other.
Life has gotten kind of lonely. I've been rude with DeJh because for no rhyme or reason he keeps talking about wanting to buy me things and shows affection. I feel uncomfortable with him.
I wish to have good friendships.
I'm part of this corporate whatsapp group and today there was a discussion on how people are sitting at home without jobs. The job market is really down apropos Cockroach Janta Party.
So I'm grateful for this teaching assignment I have.
I forgive Arun but this time I won't forget his rudeness. I think I need distance from him.
SeeDhi said that I should not be with him because he doesn't offer me or give me anything. She said things like I'm sure he never bought you gifts... to which I told her No. HE DID. And for some reason SeeDhi was admant and said that I'm not being respected in my dynamic with Arun.
Sometimes the outside world notices things that we can't see.
If I really think about it this year Arun didn't wish me on my birthday. He doesn't support my career and is a lone wolf. He didn't come for my play. And beyond a point he didn't do anything for our relationship, then friendship. The love was kind of one-directional from my side. So SeeDhi is right. I haven't really got any companionship from Arun too. So it's best to let go of our dynamic and not romanticize Arun.
Let sleeping dogs lie. I'm sure life will turn out fantastically well. For me today things ended with Arun. Today I got closure. I also forgave him today because I'm a forgiving person not because of him.
I am feeling:
Happy
Stable
Forgiving
Loving
I am grateful for God's infinite Love, Grace and Blessings on my life.
Love,
Me.
12.12 am
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