Firstly I think I said some pretty hurtful things to Arun. I should not have.
ChatGpt seems to think that because (it's 3 pm now) Arun said We Have Nothing To Discuss he is happy and relieved that our dynamic is over. Really?
Well, whatever be the case I just did my Gongyo yesterday because I was feeling so disoriented. I didn't even bathe yesterday but I'll bathe now.
Today DiPan came home and she was telling me about her ex and I thought May Be Arun Has also found someone else. May be he has.
Anyhow I broke my pattern and chanted and all my good wishes for Arun flooded my mind. I so love this man. Why I don't know.
Le coeur a ses raisons que La raison ne connait pas... the heart has its reasons that reason knows not of.
Is it possible that Arun was taking me for granted the way I did when I asked him for money? I don't know. These are all speculations. I just hope he is fine. I think I will drop in a message on his birthday. I won't do an Arun on Arun.
My baby he is, my sweetest cutest shona pie. The colour of his skin is so beautiful, and he smells so beautiful and looks so Goddarned beautiful and is such a beautiful person.
I'll love him silently in my heart. Anything else is truly painful.
Life has a funny way of surprising me. I don't think I'll ever be able to stop loving Arun. May be I'll be celibate and single all my life. And that's fine with me. It's better than being with the wrong person. I'm not desperate for love. I am love.
I am feeling:
Deep love
Hoping that Arun is fine and that I didnt hurt him
Happy and Sad at the same time
Resigned to my fate
Accepting of reality
Beautiful
Wishing Arun truly well
I am grateful for God's infinite Love, Grace and Blessings on my life.
Love,
Me.
3.12 pm
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