The other day I read that procrastinators delay because they ruminate a lot. That is clearly describing me. I tend to think and think and think. I think so much that I wish I got a penny for each thought-- then I would be the richest person in the whole world!
But as fact would have it the world looks at your actions and achievements.
With such deepthinking I manifested Arun into my life. Now the outcome of our friendship depends on him; whatever he wants. I think me blurting out that I love him was inevitable. But I should not have said the hurtful things I told him. I'll always love him.
There is so much to life. There is so much to see, so much to do, so much to achieve, so much to enjoy, so much to take, so much to give, so much to love to live life to the fullest!
Ever since Arun blasted me on the phone for trying to talk about nmrk I haven't really chanted. But I will now.
Psha came home today.
I don't know if Arun will want to stay in touch after I sent him so many messages.
I'll definitely keep him in my prayers. He brought so much meaning into my life, so much joy, so much laughter and love! For that I'll always be grateful to him. I don't know how he will remember me. But I will always carry fond memories of his colourful and gregarious personality. Karma karma karma chameleon you come and go.... that describes him beautifully.
Before embarking on any task it's vital to look at all outcomes. I should have envisioned that Arun would reject my conversation on chanting. I should have seen it. Because I didn't I was hurt.
I'll try to sleep early tonight. I've been waking up really late.
Psha and me had a fun conversation today. She is such a sweet girl. She spoke about how she is transforming her relationship with her boyfriend's mother. I told her yes, praying for someone definitely transforms relationships.
Seeing her list of prayers for people in her life I have decided to also pray a lot for the people in my life. I already do.
She told me today that I explain things so well. I put tough ideas to words so easily. Yup, may be I do.
It's exactly 8.
Pa and Ma are in Nakshatra because Pa has an upset tummy. I wish I could monetarily do more for my parents. It's all this flakiness that has brought my career to where it is.
Psha told me that if I want to be an actor I have to set up the infrastructure for self tests because casting directors have stopped calling actors to studios for auditions. Yes.
I got an audition call today and I sent it.
Nishkaam karma... keep making causes, don't think about the outcome.
I know at some point life will look up. Until then I'll keep sowing the seeds.
I am feeling:
Happy
Loving
Releasing Arun
I am grateful for God's infinite Love, Grace and Blessings on my life.
Love,
Me.
8.06 pm
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