Journal 8.58 pm on 30.7.2026 I am embarrassed

Dear Journal,

I'm in a delirium. I again sent Arun so many messages! I wont message him anymore. He asked me to stop messaging him. I should really respect his boundaries.

He is focused on his work. I should be too.

I hope he forgives me for bugging him so. And hopefully I'll be able to process what I'm going through.

Actually just a few days ago I resolved a huge yearning for him. It was a desire that I had to navigate.

I don't know if I'll ever fall in love again. Arun is married and he is hugely focused on his work. I really should keep some distance from him. Why am I unable to do so.

The day just whooshed past. And I had so many cigarettes.

I am feeling so alone and so lonely. And what really happened that I feel I've fallen in love with him all over again? He's done the opposite of inviting such emotions.

Is he about to break my heart? Will he brutally reject me? I'll be devastated. I wish my life were less complicated.

The other day SeeDhi told me that I'm not a traditional girl and my choices and decisions are also not traditional, neither is my outlook in  life.

I don't want to fall into a depression. And I want good friends to flood my life. If I had friends like Sal or Qud (not DeJh) to talk to I think I would be more tempered.

I really need to reclaim my life and broaden my view.

I should not have flooded Arun with messages about my feelings.

I think I'll just keep quiet now about the whole thing. If he wants to talk he will get in touch.

I have a feeling my heart is about to be broken. I'm going through heartbreak. I really really wish Arun had chosen me.

I hope to focus on my work and nothing else from tomorrow. Today just flew by.

I am feeling:

Brokenhearted

Stable

Embarrassed that I laid my heart bare to Arun. I wish I hadn't

I am grateful for God's infinite Love, Grace and Blessings on my life.

Love,

Me.

9.12 pm

Ps: I just bumped into RaTi and Warshikey downstairs. They both were like Where Have You Disappeared? I should really get in touch with my friends. I think I'll call up RaTi tomorrow. And I wont contact Arun. He needs space after my messages overload. I really can be quite trying on his patience. May he be happy!