Journal 22.8.23 3.13 pm

 Dear Journal,

I have fallen in love after a long time.

He's cute. He's smooth. He's sweet. He's handsome. That's amazing, right?

The problem is that he is the same with everybody. I've seen so many girls have a crush on him. And he does flirt with them.

I'm trying not to think about the future too much. He's married. Has two children. Everything sounds wrong about this. But it feels so right.

I am grateful for every experience, everything, this life and him.

Love,

Me.

PS: I want to experience the greatest love.

Faith

The voice that blared once, blares still

And it has silenced my will; the varied

Snidings, the holdings, the chidings

Ring clear in my conscience. I shut my eyes

As nary a wind blows, I slow down,

I determine as I warm up to the glow.

The voice has suffered, it has felt cold,

And snaring, and glaring and I light a flame

To warm the skin that enfolds it, and give

It a blanket to snuggle in; I share with the

Voice many coloured tales and it soothes

With all my soupy flares. I give it a brush

Of my touch as I pick up pace; the voice

That once blared now has the faith of love. 

My Intact Heart

 I got myself some magic beans

As I wished upon a star, all the sweet

Love of life was nestled in my heart;

I sought some succour, some sugar,

Like a little oily tart, the beans were planted

Late at dusk as I strolled in the park.

I wandered here, I wandered there,

I wandered here and about, wondering

To myself ever if I would meet my

Head in the clouds; I killed my pride,

I humbled myself as my dreams were

Dashing. And lo and behold there at dawn

A gigantic sprout was larking.

I remembered the promise to my heart,

I would never let it break, now shattered

To bits, I set about to repair its million

Little pieces. I had sought no perjury,

Only silver linings and a lot of dough;

I did not climb the stalk, I sat and shaded,

Guarded from the cold. My heart is clear,

And I often tear, I don't know what stratosphere

Now beckons, I eat the beans, make some jelly

And my heart is intact is what I reckon.

Dreams on moss

 I stand here under skies

Marked by grey clouds

On a carpet of moss

Wet and proud.

I stand amazed

At the serenity

That washes over me;

A feeling marked

By dreams that

Are on the verge 

Of being a reality. 

Magic beans

 In this tiny life I have experienced it all:

The madness of being mad, the madness

Of my daydreams that seem so real

And unfurls a reality that is stark and grim.

I seek to gather my lean means

And create many ripples, may be

Rake up a storm of raging fame,

Love and money; Richest of richest,

Queen of my being, somebody's lover,

Somebody's mother, somebody's saviour

With a heart full of magic beans.

Mighty life

 I give my life to you oh life,

One stream joining the mighty ocean

Of love and judgments maligning

Each other, many streams:

The most mucky with the most

Fish, Rich and filled with verdure,

Of just being, of being judged

In the far reaches of a black hole;

Whole and queen-like, this stream,

Positioned carefully by Providence,

Mighty sea calling, mighty life

Within life, dream within a dream,

Beautiful, surmounting all odds,

Interesting, whole my life

Just like a stream

Joining the ocean. 

Shame

 Shame shrouds my sense of being,

Veiling my imagination to something

Serene; no adventure, no flights

Of fancy, no daring can move me

But the shame like a fact-checker

Brings home the truth of mediocrity.