I woke up in the morning from a dream where I was looking at a briefcase full of gold coins. I did not chant today. It was all about one more video... one more video....
I wanted to talk to Arun today. So I left him a message. He called over an hour ago, saying that I'm a burden on him.
That's it! Ive had enough!
I dont need any man! If it's not Arun, it's nobody. Ill never call him or message him. He made such a big deal about three calls or two calls... or whatever....
Men just utilise women. Women either cook and clean for men, or have regular sex with them or are belittled the way Arun belittles me.
Ive had women tell me that marital sex often feels like rape where a woman is compelled to have sex with her husband whether she likes it or not. Or as I've seen all my life women maintain a house on shared finances. They give birth to children, bring children up and it's really sad.
Arun's: 'Mere paas chaar aur ladkiyan hai par mai iske saath nahin rehta kyunki ye pagal hai,' should have made me lose him. But that very night we got into a rickshaw and made out! And today he called me a burden!!!!! I am never going to forget that.
I dont need no man, which technically means I should have prepared for my lectures today. But I didnt.
Oh yes! PawPa called and left many messages. He wanted to meet but I told him I'm busy. I dont really want any man. If it's not Arun, it's no man.
And I have to prepare to live my life without a man.
My commandments to myself:
1. Clean your body, your heart and your hearth everyday.
2. Be independent and loving.
3. Wean yourself off of all unhealthy habits.
4. Make money.
5. Respect each person in front of you.
6. Pray for yourself and pray for others.
7. Contribute to society.
8. Leave an indelible mark on the footprints of time.
9. Chase satisfaction.
10. Always operate from a place of love.
11. Be healthy.
12. Exercise and work.
I am feeling:
Happy
Angry with Arun but I wont message him. Ill never message or call him. He called me a burden on him today. May he be happy.
I dont really need no man in my life.
Im good on my own.
Sleepy
Burdened by grief. Arun has been the cause of much grief. Even though I love him I dont need him. Why does a woman need a man?
If she loves him to make love to him and for security.
Ill love myself and secure myself. I dont need any man for that!
Arun has also been the reason for a lot of depression. His harshness can push one over the edge.
Since we are never getting back together, I dont need to call him or message him.
I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace, blessings and mercy on my life.
Love,
Me.
9.15 pm
Ps: From today I seriously try to get over Arun. He called me a burden today. It's best to have no contact with him. I dont even call him up!!!! He is such a harsh and demanding person.
10.20 pm
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