Journal 9.01 pm on 9.9.2026 hope Arun had a great birthday

Dear Journal,

I hope Arun had a great birthday!

I spoke to him and it was all fine till it was time to say bye. As I was bidding him goodbye out came the words: Muwaah to you on your left cheek. I dont know why I said that. And I hope he is not upset. The words just blurted out may be because I was happy because he said he will call me once a week.

Anyhow Im so happy we are on talking terms again.

Today Ma and I did not fight. I arranged my cupboard. I even went to the garden to do yoga and had coconut water. Im spending too much money on cigarettes. I want to quit smoking.

In the morning I taught my student Madhav. He said he enjoyed the lecture. I wanted to talk to Tejal but she said she's busy. I even lay down in the afternoon because my heart was heavy after the altercation with Ma yesterday. I do love my mother. I really do. And my dad and my brother and Sadhya and of course Arun. I love all my friends. And Id rather love than hate anybody. Even my worst enemy I do not hate. I judge people by their karma.

If someone does me wrong Ill stop talking to them but I will still wish them well. Why am I like this? Why am I so soft and so kind?

Before going to sleep i'll message Arun the last birthday wish from me. I really hope he had a fantastic day. I prayed a lot for it.

I spent some time with Twi today till Marzoo came along. I dont know why but me and Marzoo dont talk that much. So I got up and walked for about 10 minutes and had a cigarette.

I did yoga today after months. I hope I dont blurt out muwaaah with Arun again. Muwaaah to him.

I am feeling:

Happy

Exhausted for some reason

Full of love

A little aggressive

Benevolent

I think I'll eat my dinner and pray and sleep. Im also thinking of picking up a book to read.

I really wish Arun's day ends well.

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace, blessings and mercy on my life. 

Love,

Me.

9.14 pm

Ps: Today I thought that I'll take care of myself the way I would take care of someone else. I cant abandon myself. Tomorrow Ill go to get my laptop repaired and to the bank. I'll wear something nice.

9.16 pm