How are you feeling? Let me take a guess? You must be trying to get your mind off me and wondering if this is really the end of the road for us. You must be lightly trying to do your work and engaging with life.
Are you very angry with me? I hope not.
I just got back from meeting the doctor. I burst into tears in front of him. And he told me to engage with life, to talk more, to express myself more and not be such an introspective introverted reclusive hermit. Those were his precise words.
He said that otherwise I'll have mood swings if I go into a shell.
My best guy is not here to talk to.
And it's 4 days to your birthday celebrations! Please celebrate your birthday with complete dhoom dhamaal.
Do you feel the benefits of my prayers for you? I see them in your life. Everytime Ive seriously sat and prayed for your wife's happiness you have fought with me as if that's the final fight and we will never talk again.
But I think this time we both seriously fought. I dont want you to cut me off from your life.
My love for you is still a very active ingredient in my emotional landscape. I dont want to let my love for you die. I want to always love you. And these are the kind of things you hate.
You wish I could be more casual about you, more chilled out. Im not casual but chilled out may be.
I hope some day you call me up.
I'll miss you a lot going ahead, like so much so much that I could die.
Take care of yourself my shonaheart. I wish we had spoken this week and that you'd called me. And I wish I hadnt flipped out.
You are the best thing that's ever happened to me and I miss your touch and your gaze.
I miss you. I've been very very very loyal to you. Firstly, because it's not difficult for me. And mostly even after our breakup because there is no better guy than you. I dont want to explore being with any other guy. They dont interest me.
I want to kiss your eyes. I miss the intimacy I had with you.
I want you to be superlatively happy and my love for you and my wish for your happiness are higher than any Vesuvius.
I say sorry easily na? So Im really sorry. Dont do anything stupid please.
And I really hope you read my blog and these letters. There will be plenty of them now.
My shonaheart. My shonapie... sweetest of sweetest pies.
I dont know what you ate today but I hope you ate well. I had papaya sabzi and mustard steamed paneer... a light healthy lunch.
I really want to be able to contribute more financially towards our household. These are the kind of things I tell you. And your opinion matters. Wish I could get your point of view.
Yesterday my mom and dad were telling me that things are getting tough. And I feel so helpless. Not hopeless because Im praying about it but currently helpless yes. I want to be the financial backbone of my family... even for you. I want to maintain you, give you, love you. I love you so selflessly na?
My darlingest shweetest of shweetest hearts Ive started having too many colas.
Ill just go down and have a cola and a cigarette and then pray. And then I'll prepare for my lectures.
Have the best day ever my mishtipie. You are God's cutest creation and Im absolutely nuts about you.
Muwaaaah!
Love,
DOEL.
4.17 pm
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