The prouder you are of your looks, money and status the meaner and the more horrible you will be toward the people in your life.
The things that you are most proud of will lead to your greatest downfall.
And even the greatest of lives faces downfalls and failure because we are taught as children that we have certain qualities and certain things to be proud of.
So may I always breed humility, compassion, courage, goodwill, joy and wisdom in my being. May I not dwell where I'm not wanted (apropos Arun).
And may I nurture and love all. May I be the most loving humanbeing ever. Because as life has taught me love is the only antidote, only miracle.
Today I woke up around 12.30 that too when Tanya called. I missed meeting DiPan in the morning and I just got back after meeting her.
I poured my heart out to her about the problems I'm facing with Ma at home.
If I had not undergone the financial adversities of the last three years, I would have never understood the pains of poverty.
May I never discriminate. May I never look down upon people.
May I be most understanding.
May I be the financial backbone of society. May I be the eyes of society. May I be the great pillar of society. May I be the great ship of society. And may I be giving and generous in every way. May I value time and money and effort.
It's exactly 7 pm. PaPa has been calling me. He wants to meet. I dont want to date him. Ive rejected him so many times. Will he please stop chasing now?
I am in no hurry to find someone to date. And I definitely dont want to date the wrong person. I wont be with just any guy. And I'll never watch porn. May I also give up smoking and never veer near a cigarette! And may I honour genuine people.
It's exactly 7.07 pm.
I think it's really time to let Arun go. Ive kept in touch with him for far too long after we broke up. He doesnt want me in his life. So enough!
He is always so rude. The last time I spoke to him, he said: Youve started this again. That's an awfully dismissive thing to say.
But he did teach me all the lessons I needed to learn around love. I shouldnt stay where I'm not wanted. Ive overstayed my time.
May he realise that aggression doesnt get you what you desire and it definitely doesnt earn you any respect... that's the force of brutes.
And money and status and looks and clothes dont make personalities. What creates a personality is your heart and your values.
Dipika told me that since Ma doesn't want to engage in dialogue I should just base everything in my prayer.
These days I believe in God with all my heart and soul-- the highest virtuousness. May God make my life, may God direct me.
I am feeling:
Happy
Serious
Focused
Wiser than yesterday
I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace, blessings and mercy on my life.
Love,
Me.
7.19 pm
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