I wont watch porn and I wont read erotica. I wont do that. The next time I get a sexual urge, hopefully Ill be better able to handle it.
For the last half an hour Ive been chatting on a dating app. Im making it clear that I just want to be friends... not even hook ups.
Indian guys dont know very good English and it leads to a lot of misunderstanding. Ive been needing to clarify what I mean.
I said Tinder and all that jazz and some guy said, Is Jazz an app?
Then I asked someone, Do you live with your folks? And he said no they are all married and have children. Woahpaah!
Then Ma came to my room and started shouting. Why is she so aggressive? I really have a tough time with her at home.
In the morning I woke up and went for the zadankai in my night clothes.
Then I came back to a lunch of dal, rice, veggies and caviar and fish fry.
Then I bathed and meditated and did pranayam.
I think Ill revisit my dream.
In the morning I woke up from a dream where an old lady was getting cremated. She looked like Ross and Monica's nana in Friends. She was wearing a satin pink shirt. Her hands kept moving even though she was dead. Her hands moved even as her body burnt.
Then I saw myself in a large room of Shangrila B in the ground floor with Ma.
Then I go into the lift of Shangrila A and there are buttons up to the 13th floor. There is someone in the lift with me who presses the button for the 12th floor.
Then I go down the lift into a large room of Shangrila A and there are some people there, including Krutika. I dont know the people there too well, so I go back to the large room in Shangrila B and I woke up.
I really miss Arun a lot. I hope he is doing well. I dont think Ill ever get over him. These new men dont interest me. They are only worth friendzoning.
I so deeply love Arun and I really really miss him.
I am feeling:
Deep love
Happy
Eager to prepare well for tomorrow.
I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace, blessings and mercy on my life.
Love,
Me.
7.10 pm
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