Where should I start? I hope you are not smarting too much.
Im going to miss you infinitely going forward. God should make more guys like you, better and better.
Ive never shared the rape incidents with anyone. Only briefly with my therapist. You know when someone forces themself on you and has sex with you against your will and you are lying there shivering, wondering when you will be able to go back home.
Youll never read this letter. But I want to tell you that you made me feel the opposite of raped. You made me feel worthy, beautiful, wanted, loved, cared for, protected. And for that I'll always miss you inordinately.
I still love you. I loved you even before I met you. I manifested you into my life.
I dont think I can live without you. But since you dont want me I think Ill walk away.
I cant live without you. I cant breathe without you. I love you. And I dont want to go mad.
Will you call me up some day? Or is that out of bounds now?
Ill write you many letters now on this blog. Some day if you visit this blog may you read them.
I wont be sending you any more messages. Only good wishes and my love through prayer.
Love,
Me.
10.03 am
Ps: I'll never give up no matter what. And that's saying a lot given where I am. The people you love the most you hurt the most. You are one of the few people I love the most.
I'm sure you'll date someone. And may you be happy with her.
How did you just stop loving me one fine day? Ive never been able to stop loving you!
Everything will remind me of you. Because youve been my greatest muse and my greatest inspiration.
Ive taken an appointment with my psychiatrist today. Because I'm feeling clinically depressed and suicidal.
But still I'll never give up. Never ever.
Im so sorry for hurting you.
Hey Arun! Why dont you ever say sorry? It would save you a lot of grief and pain if you just said sorry. Because sometimes you hurt people, you do. And the only fitting thing is to say sorry.
I love you. I really really do. And Im so happy that I told you that even though you felt pressure. Because a guy should know how deeply he is cherished, how deeply he is wanted. What he means to a girl.
I would have gone to any length to sacrifice for you. May be i'll still do that.
My cute shweet Arun, the love of my life.
Please do call me up some day. Please. Please. Ill never call you or message you anymore. But that wont mean I wont love you.
I will move the heavens for you. If you suffer I'll rake up a storm. And the depth of the grief this parting has left me with is unfathomable.
And yet, yet I still love you.
And that my shweetest Arun means never giving up.
Take care of yourself. Have a wonderful day!
Love,
Me.
10.54 pm
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