If we meet

You walk alone, away from me,

Determined, focused, for all to see.

You have unsaid many things

And look what I did bring--

A lifetime of love and ardent devotion

When all you want is some motion,

A world of life, a time of giving, 

Melodies playing to artful rhythms.

I still love you deeply,

That will always be the case

And I hope some day

I can see your sweet face.

Some day I wish to hold your cheeks

And kiss you again if we meet.

Sad lines

Today I can write the saddest lines

Of having lost someone who was once mine,

Of a day gone past when I did smell

Sweetness at which my heart did melt.

I have memories in the pictures of you and me,

And many beautiful exchanges, that was the decree,

The times of shedding tears and wonderful smiles,

All added up to the journey I thought was infinite miles.

You haven't told me how you are doing these days

And for that all I do is hope and pray,

Knowing that may be the curtain has been drawn

But what's behind the scenes, must be a beautiful dawn.

It's a new beginning for both you and me,

And I trust you tread blithely towards all you see,

I am in shambles, withdrawn, hurt and distraught,

For this parting was not what I sought.

-- Doel Sengupta

Journal 5.10.2024 6.53 pm

Dear Journal,

Work is going a little slowly. I'm being patient.

Today I got a Tarot client who made me feel that you can't judge a book by its cover. I must remember to never judge at face value.

Yesterday Arun messaged out of the blue. And dil garden garden ho gaya. I really love this man a lot.

My Google Photos keeps throwing up memories of us from last year. I've seen him when he's sad, happy, upset, angry, glad and I simply love him.

I am confused about the job offer from Yoga Institute. I always have two alternatives at least happening simultaneously.

Vai...Sha said that I might get a response on the audition. Keeping my fingers crossed.

I've been reading a lot on spirituality for such a long time. I came across this guy online who writes about secularism just as Hitchens writes about atheism.

For Talk is a slow app.

If I can inspire myself to write the damn article I'd be blessed. Tomorrow. Now for some praying.

I am feeling:

Distracted

Confused

Thoughtful

Full of love

Hopeful

Eager

Enthusiastic and lazy at the same time

Grateful

Undisciplined 

Beautiful

Suave

Happy 

Lovely

I am grateful for the food I eat and the shelter I have.

I am grateful for Buro and Sadhya.

I am grateful that Arun reached out to me yesterday. I hope he is happy.

I am grateful for this Journal.

I am grateful for all the people who grace my life across the three existences.

I am grateful for my beautiful wonderful life.

I am grateful for God's infinite love, Grace and blessings in my life .

I am grateful for the money I have.

I am grateful for all of life's experiences.

I am grateful for the many giants on whose shoulders I stand forever pressing forward. I'm but an ordinary person who sometimes thinks extraordinary things that are farfetched and I'd be nowhere if I hadn't had inspiration from the many titans and maitres I read, watch and hear about. I have even met a few. And I'm truly blessed.

I am grateful for all my blessings.

Love,

Me.

7.12 pm

Journal 3.10.2024 11.12 am

Dear Journal,

I dreamt last night that I was going up a flight of stairs, opening doors and finally came to a door that I couldn't open, hurting my right thumb in the process. Finally, someone opens the door and I go swimming in a pool with a bunch of people.

I woke up irritable, with a headache and missing A.

I wish I had A in my life but I didn't put my best face forward. Also, he is a married man. I hope he finds happiness in whatever he does.

Today I feel my positivity has been hijacked.

I have to finish my article today.

I am feeling:

Love

Happy

Irritable

Hopeful

Enthusiastic

Beautiful

Lovely

Sweet

Clean

Slightly negative

I am grateful that the day has begun.

I am grateful for my morning routine.

I am grateful for Ma and Pa.

I am grateful for Buro.

I am grateful for love and life.

I am grateful for all the food I eat.

I am grateful for my beautiful home.

I am grateful that I love.

I am grateful for the opportunities in my life.

I am grateful for Dimma, Dadu, Dada and Thama.

I am grateful for my body.

I am grateful for my soul.

I am grateful for the benevolent deities that guide me.

Love,

Me.

11.20 am

Friendship beckons

We have opened every door

And scaled up from every floor,

The last is sturdy, like a wall

I try and fail and you push, that's all,

The door opens into a life of money

And I swim and am shot, sweetly honey,

Many people join, I've hurt my thumb 

And I beckon all to into the pool come,

I swim towards the lowly creature,

Basking and loving as he does feature

In realms and realms of my dream,

It is not as it should always seem.

-- Doel Sengupta

Journal 2.10.2024 10.59 am

Dear Journal,

The big audition is today. Today is also Mahalaya.

I made breakfast today for the family. And I'm mulling the lines. I am not too fond of wearing sarees.

I hope to get some more responses to my questionnaire. The days are busy and full of love. I've been missing A since morning. This too shall pass.

I am feeling:

Slightly irritable

Loving

Focused

Happy with a tinge of sadness

Clear headed

Futuristic

Disciplined

I am grateful that opportunities are coming my way.

I am grateful for my family.

I am grateful for my friends.

I am grateful for all the food I eat.

I am grateful that I love.

I am grateful that I'm happy.

I am grateful for my home.

I am grateful for work.

I am grateful for money. 

I am grateful for my growth.

Love,

Me.

11.05 am

Journal 2.10.2024 12.19 am

Dear Journal,

I have been lying in bed for over an hour. Not a spot of sleep is forthcoming.

I had a busy day today. Matteo was so rude to me today.

I spoke to Henry Menezes, the former goalkeeper of the Indian football team.

I have quotes from two people. I will do an exemplary job with this piece.

I went over my lines a bit. Will practise them thoroughly tomorrow.

I really hope to reap in some good deep sleep.

A single step in the right direction defines the whole journey.

There is no life where there is no love.

I feel:

Love

Awake

Eager

Hopeful

Hardworking

Disciplined

Romantic

Dreamy

Happy

Sweet

Forgiving

Beautiful

I am grateful that I woke refreshed.

I am grateful for all the food I ate. 

I am grateful that I'm moving.

I am grateful for money.

I am grateful for my beautiful, wonderful life.

I am grateful for friends.

I am grateful for my body.

I am grateful that I love.

I am grateful for all the people in my life. 

I am grateful for all my experiences.

I am grateful for my auditions.

Love,

Me

12.28 am