Journal 1.6.2023 12.15 pm

 Dear Journal,

I opened this blog to write and I remembered it's Ana's birthday. So I took some time off to wish her and didn't write much.

There is no work today. I'm sitting idle, thinking about budgeting.

I got credited 50k yesterday. Out of that 10k goes to Pa and 15k goes into ppf. That leaves me with 25k. I'll put 10k in sbi. That leaves me with 15k for 30 days. Out of that I'll spend only 5k.

I calculated; my daily salary comes up to 2.5k. I've decided that at any given point of time I won't spend more than 250 bucks. 

I really wish to quit smoking. The cheap tenner cigs are unavailable  for some time.

I went through a few luxury brands.

I went out drinking with the screenwriters' group last night. I was told I was really quiet. I didn't have much to say.

I'll read the news now and get some writing done.

Love,

Me.

I am grateful for each and everything.

Journal 1.6.2023 11.54 am

 Dear Journal,

I'm idle.

Love, Me.

Journal 31.5.2023 5.44 pm weekly time budget

 Dear Journal,

I have been feeling low on self-confidence. 

Ever since I learnt that S'phrenia is a poor man's disease I have been thinking about our means.

Working here at Salt on luxury brands I also feel there is so little I know about luxury. Mash just gave me a small talk on how I should approach luxury. A small part of me feels like quitting this job too, but the experience is invaluable. This is so much better than working for VIBGYOR. I am truly grateful for this job.

Till a few years ago Pa often told me: "Ÿou are a poor man's daughter." To this I often got angry, but that may be the reality. We are not rich.

I went to a rich children's school, Studied in one of the best colleges in the country but I've never been treated to luxuries, or been able to afford luxuries. 

My heart goes out to Bu. He has a lot of friends. That's wealth.

I wish to create wealth and this experience of working here at Salt is simply incomparable.

I mingle with likes of Sunil and gang, who live under the Tarpaulin sheet. I have no qualms. People I work with would look down upon the likes of them.

I want to get rich quickly. Like stinking wealthy and stinking rich.

I've never even travelled abroad.

I wish all my dreams come true.

I love my parents to infinity and beyond, and Bu I love even more.

My priorities:

Weekly budget: 168 hours in a week

Family and love: 10 hours

Friends and love: 5 hours

Exercise, healthy food, good health: Eating and exercise: 28 hours

Money: (Lots of it. About a 1,000 crore in one day.) Will come

Writing: 20 hours

Painting: 8 hours

Selling my writings and paintings: 2 hours

Travel (to explore the nooks and crannies of this Earth): 8 hours

Getting good sleep: 70 hours

Budgeting: 7 hours

Today's budget:

Today I woke up a little after 8 am. Ate my breakfast, smoked a cigarette, and was out of the house by 9. I bought cigarettes for 20 bucks, and reached work at 10 am on a 20 buck rickshaw fare. I finished off the tasks for today with a little tussle, had a chat with Vimesh and Mash. (Will improve my work). I read the My Fair Lady script for about an hour, played with Chat GPT for work and otherwise for about 2 hours. Did not watch YouTube. And chatted with my colleagues, smoked cigarettes, and ate. Does that account for all my time?

I'm going out to meet some screenwriters. I will spend about 1k on food, travel and cigarettes. I think I should really stop living beyond my means. I'll be spending about 1.1k for the day. Will update the budget at the end of the day.

I hope to end the day on a high note.

Love,

Me.

I am grateful for the deep sleep I get each night. I am so lucky. It's also thanks to Pa's Conybio mat.

I am grateful for money. I'm so happy I have money with me to go out for drinks.

I am grateful for this beautiful, wonderful life. It is adorned by my family, my friends, and my experiences.

I am grateful that I write and paint. Half the thing with talent is getting out of your comfort zone.

I am grateful for my relatives like Mashi and Munima. They are a delight.

(I got up to smoke a cigarette with Sanika and to talk to Sah Lihala. spent about 20 minutes on that.)

I am grateful for my self-confidence.

I am grateful for this beautiful, wonderful life.

I am grateful for Bu. He is a blessing.

I am grateful for Sady and Melon. I really hope Bu and Sady's relationship stands the test of time.

I am grateful for my job. It teaches me a lot.

I am grateful for my wonky eyes. They are beautiful.

I am grateful for my friends. They are my jewels.

I am grateful for my phone.

I am grateful for my body.

I am grateful for love, and life.

Love,

Me.

6.29 pm

Journal 30.5.2023 5.44 pm

 Dear Journal,

My days are going slowly. The work is light, and I often find myself bored and lazy.

On top of that, AI has taken over.

We were told today by Mash that there would be lay-offs as we lost a client today.

I also plan to not spend on stupid things like palm readings and take the family out to Mahesh Lunch Home.

I feel like if I carry on a more organised day I can achieve much more.

Love,

Me.

I am grateful for all people and everything.

5.47 pm

Journal 29.5.2023 10.54 am

 Dear Journal,

Last night in the car Sady popped a pill. I asked her if everything is alright. I was admonished by Bu for being curious.

I also kept thinking about the times Ma has complained about me to strangers. It makes me feel slightly sad to be bitched about.

I am sitting in office. I have to work on the Shilpa summer look post.

I have nary a thought in my head. I am calm as the summer breeze.

I think I'll finish the Shilpa summer look post and work on some personal writing.

Some of my old pics on Insta show me as thin as a reed with sunken eyes.

I look forward to Bu's wedding.

Love,

Me.

I am grateful for this beautiful wonderful day. The day is full.

I am grateful for my job.

I am grateful for my colleagues.

I am grateful for this beautiful life.

I am grateful for my inner beauty.

I am grateful for my outer beauty.

I am grateful for this dress I'm wearing, gifted by JD and gang.

I am grateful for this wonderful chappal.

I am grateful for air.

I am grateful for water. It nourishes me.

I am grateful for my phone.

I am happy that I write this journal.

I am happy to be alive.

I am happy for coffee.

11.05 am

Journal 29.5.2023 12.17 am

Dear Journal,

I really wish to quit smoking.

We went to watch Sound of Music, the Broadway show. It was spectacular.

I easily tear up is what I realised.

There is a certain grief in me.

However, as the day drew to a close I realised that I will be able to forgive myself.

At the end of the day it's about choosing happiness in each moment.

Sady is a good girl. She has a cool sense of fashion. It's very breezy.

Bu and Sady have a lot of friends.

I don't have as many friends.

There may be a million reasons to feel sad but even one glimmer of joy is worth grasping.

I don't know why but I worry about Bu.

We watched the play in a box with a lounge experience.

A good day.

Love,

Me.

I am grateful for my beautiful life.

I am grateful for this beautiful day that has gone past and the beautiful day before me.

I am grateful for my lovely family. So grateful that Sady is family.

I am grateful for my inner and outer beauty.

I am grateful for Bu. I've had some wonderful experiences thanks to him. I wish him and Sady a long healthy happy life ahead. 

I am grateful for all my experiences good and bad. They have shaped me.

I am grateful for my husband. Whoever the lucky man is I am glad to have him.

I am grateful for the wonderful dinner I ate in the lounge. It was delish.

I am grateful for my resilience. I am a strong, powerful woman.

I am grateful for all my friends. They are a blessing.

I am grateful for mistakes I've made. They have been learning experiences.

I am grateful for Sady. She is such a good girl.

I am grateful for Ma and Pa. They bring deep meaning into my life.

I am grateful for Bu. He is my reason to love.

I am grateful for quitting smoking. Which I will. I am free 

I am grateful for Melon. He is my pulse.

I am grateful for this vast beautiful life.

12.31 am

Journal 26.5.2023 9.46 pm

Dear Journal,

I am just waiting for the metro at this unearthly hour. It's been over 12 hours out of home.

Sho is a little cranky. His messages are cut dry. And a little confrontational.

I just think I should be able to express myself better.

Just got into the Metro.

I was ready to make a move at 7.30 pm today but I stuck around because Vim wanted me to.

What hurts deep in my subconscious is that I've burnt many bridges. Let many relationships go. Let many friendships die. 

I called Ma back today and the conversation led to me telling her I'm going to Raheja tomorrow. She was so discouraging. Ma and Pa have rarely been encouraging. They always ask me to sleep and take rest. So stupid.

There is a baby crying in the Metro.

However, sleeping and taking rest are things which only our parents tell us to do. But for a person who herself doesn't rest, Ma is big on advising rest cures.

(Reminds me of the short story The Unrest Cure by Saki.)

These long hours at work are not totally sustainable may be.

Love,

Me.

I am grateful for this wonderful day. It played put pretty well.

I am grateful for all my colleagues. They are jovial and hardworking. 

I am grateful for Mumbai's Metro. It makes travelling to Kurla easier.

I am grateful for my job. It is rejuvenating.

I am grateful  for Ma and Pa. They care, they love, they accept.

I am grateful for each thing I learn each day. Life is interesting.

I am grateful for all my friends. They are a joy.

I am grateful for Bu. He is a delight to know.

I am grateful for love and life. The true blessings.

I am grateful for money. It shapes, it gives.

I am grateful for copywriting. A true love.

I'm grateful for my future. It is inviting.

10.00 pm